I’ve been thinking about my reaction to having my book put up on Amazon for pre-order, and getting the first glimpse of the cover, and all the other preparations for publishing.

I have to fight the urge to run around showing the preliminary cover to everyone within reach. To gabble excitedly while pointing out the Amazon link. To make it clear that there’s a book out there that I wrote, and they could look at it. My inner child keeps jumping up and down saying Buy my book! Buy my book!

Why is this? Inner child would never go stand on a street corner holding out a hat and saying ‘Give me money! Give me money!’ So it’s not a desire to get rich from book sales that drives this urge.

Buy my book! Buy my book!

I think it’s more like a child who’s just completed their first drawing. Say it’s a horse. It’s not a very good drawing of a horse, but if you tilt your head sideways and squint you might be able to recognize it. The child goes running up to people holding out the picture and saying ‘Look! Look what I drew! Look at it!’ That’s what this compulsion feels like.

Buy my book! Buy my book!

Um… excuse me a moment. I’m just going to gag my inner child. Won’t be a sec.

There. That’s better.

Hlp? Icnt spk! Bymybk! Bymybk!

Okay then. As I was saying. It’s not the desire to get rich that makes me want to go around promoting my book. It’s sure not the desire to become famous. I’m comfortable with being a hermit. I’m good at it.

Change is uncomfortable. I’d rather skip it. But I’m making myself keep the blog up, and I’m revising the manuscript and working on another one. Why?

As far as I can tell, it’s the desire to connect. While remaining a semi-hermit, I still want to share my words with people. It’s exciting to publish a book, but more than that it is satisfying to share the moment with people.  Even if I muzzle my inner child, the urge to reach out is still there. I’ll try not to be too annoying about it.

Bymybk! Bymybk!